There becomes a time when what has felt secure and safe hinges on us suppressing our growth.

The clinging onto external resources that give us a sense of confidence in our well being, becoming a crutch that diminishes our self trust.

When we have the courage to look out, to recognize what we might have been using to determine our sense of being protected is coming at a cost of a fuller palette of fulfilling love in our lives, we might leap into the unknown to be caught, by something new, or perhaps even the ability within ourselves to show up for our own hearts.

Happy Tuesday dear ones,

apologies for the gap in comics. I have been working on printing prints, and am hoping to have an etsy store up soon to transition my paid offerings from patreon to more concrete offerings of prints, cards, and altar tables.

K

This is an old comic that I repainted recently. Hope you enjoy!

get a chance to meet

hi all!

it’s been a while, I know :).

sometimes it takes so much of my energy to wade into the undergrowth to take stock of the roots that are taking off in all the directions.

i am beginning to settle in and am grateful for this little space of ease i’ve been able to access lately, which has brought to life one of my great loves — comix.

i can’t promise i’ll get back to my rhythm of once a week, but i sure hope i might!

another fun update is relationship ecology has transitioned to substack! this means, much more ease in joining the email list as well as listening to the audio component.

so often i think about the ways we offer help.

when we are trying to be helpful but maybe don’t actually have the juice to give it

and sometimes its not even about the lack of willingness, but recognizing that we are just one being on this earth trying to do what is meant for us

it can be heartbreaking though, knowing that we can’t meet a need and knowing that our path is calling us a different direction

what i think can be so relieving for me, is when we are able to name these gaps in our capacities(1) by naming what is “scary honest(2).”

when we can get honest and real, we give each other the opportunity to love our “failures” and to love our true self.

it’s true that some will walk away from this form of intimacy, and some will walk towards it

it is all part of the great unfolding that is yearning us towards a deeper consciousness with what is our gift knowing our gift is what is part of a larger ecosystem

(1) a concept i first heard from Miki Kashtan. I recommend this packet to dive deeper into the concepts of the gap between vision and our capacities

(2) Friend and teacher Edmundo Norte likes to encourage us to try what he calls the scary honest as form of connection to self and connection to other

there is oh so much I can say about this concept of “help,” helping others, and asking for help.

how deeply help is tied to our worthiness, our belonging, our being seen as a good person.

and what i am learning is, when we ask for help or help, we often are subconsciously hooking ourselves into a dynamic in which we either need to prove our helplessness or give in a way that actually masks our deeper motives for helping.

so i ask, is helping or asking for help bringing us towards greater connection?

i believe it has the power to do so. however, this culture of extraction, makes help a sticky topic.

…keep tuned to keep exploring with us!

here we are in a continuation of this story with our elder carrot.

in this moment I’ve been thinking a lot about neediness, and how we are conditioned to be as “self-sufficient” as we can.

yet, we all have many needs that are present all the time.

when we do not acknowledge those needs, we are oftentimes trying to meet them in subversive ways.

i think about how people pleasing, which is oftentimes framed as our bigger than life care for others, is often masking our way to control and manipulate our environment to meet our needs for safety.

yet when we deny ourselves honestly of our true needs and hide them from others, can we be blameful of others for our needs not being met?

believing it is “selfish” or “egotistical” to name our needs, are we actually just submitting to the notions of the individual taking care of their own and being self-sufficient?

are we submitting to a world view that cannot see what a gift it is for others to give?

well, stay tuned to carrot’s story to explore more…

hi all! It’s been a long break, and a moment to reflect and be in consideration and question around what areas of my life need tending.

how we find resource, is a big question for me. And here I am referring to all the forms that the word ‘resource’ relates to.

this comic is a slice of humor in this regard.

we so often see resource as the physical manifestation of food, housing, and money, but how often do we recognize the resources that light our spirits?

when we live in community, we can feel the visceral effects of doing something with accompaniment vs doing something alone. this sort of ‘resource’ of someone being another heart and mind along for the journey, is invaluable and unquantifiable, making it a natural disruptor to the calculative formation of this disposability regime.

though, I can imagine we could find ways to put a price on accompaniment… there is something profound about the desire of another person to genuinely show up in our lives.

anyhow, cattails comix is back on.. and I will link here my most recent blog post:

rings on a tree, how changes in capacity point us towards trust

as well as this video edited by Uta Tamate, shot with film from Uta, Katya Castillo, and myself including original music from Uta Tamate, and footage from Uta & I’s trip to Japan and performance in SF China town

blood vessels/fragmented moon

the seeds of a story are ready to sprout, so i will be transitioning my energy away from comic making and into working on some of my long form writing pieces.

if you are interested in reading blog posts that touch upon relationships inspired by ecological flow, you can catch up on our blog. my most recent post was: Community is the Container for Interdependence.

i am working on writing a piece that is a continuation of one of my most favorite things to write about, but also the trickiest, so I’m looking forward to pouring my energy into this endeavor.

it is a continuation of my exploration into the Chinese ancient wisdom traditions, mixed with the trauma, patriarchy, and oppression of Chinese culture, layered on top of my dedication to a spirit-led existence as a disciple of change, transformation, and healing on lands that are torn, fractured, and still…thriving.

i don’t know if i’ll be able to express the complexity of what i feel, but i think story is the best way to do it.

after over two years of committing to a land project, i lit my first prescribed fire piles.

it has taken me many years to build trust, not just of others but mostly myself.

it is a trust in my ability to take on my own tending work. to clear and burn the debris within myself. knowing that to let go of stories and practices that have once kept me safe, doesn’t need to mean demonizing those old forms… only to honor their existence, thank them for their service, and to be bold and try something new.

leadership a moment,

an inspiration that churns movement

within those who seek direction

it was never meant to last.

this leadership pulled us here,

crawling out of our hole

and onto common ground

we see we are not alone.

leadership that follows the ways

of the earth and the heavens

is an arrow pointing to our center,

where the prism guarded by our heart

yearns to reflect the light it sees

for the time being of

a moment in leadership